She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
