forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The power of my boobs compel you
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
