I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
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