There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
