You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
