this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
