you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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