hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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