SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
