Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
