Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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