Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
