oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
