I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
