i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
