Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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