I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
