I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
