bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Boobs are out for the taking
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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