i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
