awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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