I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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