So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
