I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he fucked my hip out of place.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
