saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
