I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
