No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
