It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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