I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
