Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
