so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
