im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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