Is it because I queefed?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
