dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I could fuck to npr.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
