Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She even gives head with a lisp.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
