I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I accidentally had phone sex last night
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
