its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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