i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
