I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
