I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Even my vagina gasped.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
