There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
