Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
