how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
