Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
