Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
