Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
