WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
