I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
