He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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