If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
