I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
