ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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