so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
