Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
