Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
