I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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