One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
